did you get engaged???
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
