Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
