I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
