and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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