so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
