i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are all done wearing pants today
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
