Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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