Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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