drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
