Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
