why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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