only if we run a train.
done.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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