you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
