Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The power of my boobs compel you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
