Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
