Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
