Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
