I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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