I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
