My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
