You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
