i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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