my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
