The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
