I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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