I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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