so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
