Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
