After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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