So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
