It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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