Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
