I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
