Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
