I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
