I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
