Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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