Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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