By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
