Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
