cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
