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She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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