UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
