he thought i was a dude.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
