I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
