Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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