i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
