you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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