that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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