Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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