I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
