It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
