are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
