We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
