Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
