i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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