I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Randomize
