Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
