there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
